The reasons a couple decides to separate or divorce are often lack of equality in the relationship, infidelity, too much arguing, marrying too young, unrealistic expectations, and abuse. However, one father recently revealed the reason of their impending divorce with their 12-year-old son, and it’s crazy.
“My wife and I have been together when we first met in high school. We were able to maintain a long-distance relationship throughout college and stayed true to each other. I truly thought we were inseparable. She gave birth to a boy 12 years ago, and since then things changed drastically.”
“My son, unfortunately, has behavioral problems and it’s been very difficult raising him. He throws temper tantrums, gets in trouble in school frequently, refuses to listen to my wife and I.”
“As a result, my wife and I started having disagreements about how we should handle him (i.e whether to punish more, let him get his anger out, etc). This created a wedge between us that kept getting wider. We both resorted to drinking more and wanting to be away from each other as much as possible to get some relief.”
Honestly, we have a little bit of empathy for the man as raising a child is so difficult that it can take its toll on a marriage. However, most of couples generally try to work through those challenges together. Sometimes, everything will not be easy if one partner or the other is not willing to do so.
The father goes on to say that his marriage has suffered. But instead of examining and accepting any fault of his or his wife’s that could have led to the divorce, he starts blaming his son:
“We started having more arguments and eventually it became so obvious that our marriage was deteriorating that family members started questioning it. So the topic of divorce came up and we both decided to go through with it.”
“When I first told my son about it, he cried endlessly then started throwing fits about how unfair it was. I completely understand that a divorce is hard on any child, but the intensity of his fits kept growing. Since my wife and I are separated (not yet divorced) and because she can’t tolerate our son that much, we agreed that he gets to spend most of the week with me, unfortunately, so I see him a lot and have to put up with his yelling far more than she does.”
“Last Friday he started asking if my wife and I forgave each other and I told him that the divorce is happening like it or not. He starts crying and I got mad and told him ‘buddy, want to know why we are getting divorced? Because of you, we were happy before you were born but you always act bad and get in trouble, so stop arguing with me when you caused it, you have nothing but yourself to blame.’”
“This devastated him and I did apologize but I told him there was some truth to what I said. However, since then he’s been more quiet and behaved, even my wife, who was with him over the weekend, said he was much better. So yes, I think I am the [expletive] for telling him he was the reason we are getting divorced, but in some ways I don’t think I am because maybe it was just something he needed to hear?”
No matter what happens, blaming your child or children for the dissolution of your marriage is always a cruel mistake. Instead of blaming for the children, parents need to accept their faults.
People from around the world showed that the couple had no idea how to be good parents:
“You failed as a parent by not getting him the help he needs and being able to support him as a parent. Now you’re not just breaking up his home, but you’re telling him it’s HIS fault when the fault lies with you two adults? That’s horrific.”
“Honestly, it sounds like you have both been [expletive] parents. That’s the reason he acts out. Yes, there may be some physiological components, but it is your job as parents to get him help, not deal with it by drinking, blaming him, and fighting. This whole situation is a result of your failures. Seriously, this is one of the most horrible things I’ve seen a parent post on here.”
Another commenter said: “YTA for telling him the divorce is his fault. YTA for telling him you and your wife were happy before he was born. YTA for [failing] him as a parent and being a [expletive] person.
A child psychologist also shared his thoughts: “You’re taking your own issues out on your son and projecting it on to him. You two not being able to work things out, is not the problem of your son. If your son is having behavioral issues, most of the time it has nothing to do with the kid, but with the parents. Most likely, your kid has past issues or stress that he needs help dealing with and doesn’t know how to properly cope with them, because you never taught him how. Your son needs therapy, and both of you need to be a better parent to him.”
In other words, divorce is never the fault of your children. Pittsburgh divorce lawyer James Bogatay said, “Never put blame on the kids. Instead, offer emotional support and positive reassurance that both parents will always love them, no matter what.”
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Source: Little Things