Recently, a white woman went viral on social media after she shared an eye-opening list of things she had to learn after marrying a black man and having a biracial child.
The woman named Pamela Chandler now lives with her family in West Carrollton, Ohio. She said that she got seriously fed up with people denying racism and being tired of the protests and the Black Lives Matter movement.
So, to show that racism is indeed a thing that affects our lives every day, Pamela shared an open letter on Facebook about how her life has changed since having a black husband and becoming a mom to a mixed-race daughter.
In the letter, she wrote: “So as a white woman married to a black man and raising a biracial child I’ve had to unlearn a lot of things,” she posted on Facebook. “I’ve also had to LEARN twice as much. I’ve had to become aware and start to notice things my mind never would have before.”
“I have to drive basically anytime we are leaving the Dayton area. We don’t talk about it each time, we just both know that if we are leaving our general ‘safe’ area and heading to smaller town Ohio roads I’m the one driving,” she says.
She shared: “I have to handle store clerks, returns, getting documents signed, anything with any federal building or administrative work, I get further with any type of ‘paperwork’ thing that needs handled, people listen to me and are much more agreeable than with him.”
“My husband goes out of his way to be nice and talk to EVERYONE. Not because he’s a people person, but because he has learned that a 6’5 black man intimidates people and so he overcompensates by being overly friendly so people won’t be afraid of him.”
Pamela added: “This post isn’t to make people say ‘oh poor you, I’m so sorry’ etc etc. we have a wonderful life and are thankful for it. But…changes need to happen. This is just a small glimpse into the intentional and unintentional racism that happens everywhere, all the time.
“I want a better world for our daughter so I’m happy that things are changing. I know a lot of you are tired of the protests and tired of the changes and tired of people complaining. Well I’m tired of my husband having to talk to everyone and never complain even when they mess up his order 10,000 times,
“I’m tired of driving damn near everywhere, I’m tired of the sick feeling I get when a cop pulls behind us, I’m tired of having to worry anytime my husband has to work OT and leaves in the middle of the night, I’m tired and I’ve only been on this ride seven years, imagine a lifetime of this!”
At the end of the post, she wrote, “I edited to add our pictures because I hope when you see those images on the news of riots and destruction you also remember that the majority of these protesting and fighting for rights are just regular folks like us who want our hearts to be seen. Peaceful loving families who just want a better world. At the end of the day love heals!”
Through this post, Pamela wants to show how racism has shaped her family’s everyday life. She has learned other valuable lessons about what life is like for those who are not white.
Amazingly, Pamela’s post has gone viral and resonated with people around the world. One person replied: “Thank you for sharing. Really eye-opening. You have a beautiful family.” Another said: “This is a wake up call! This really makes it clear what happens everywhere every day.” A third added: “Thank you for sharing these very personal, powerful words about your family and life.
Since the viral post, Pamela has gotten so much positive feedback and attention over her post that she even created a separate blogging page, called The Chandler Crew so people can follow her family and learn more about racial injustice in America. It’s also a chance for like-minded people all over the world to join and connect.
“I’ve always known that we [as a society] needed to work for more racial unity, but I got an inside and unique perspective of what it’s like to live as a different race by being married to a black man,” Pamela explained.
She doesn’t think that race is a big problem, and she still believes we can untangle them. “I see society improving. People are willing to talk about it, engage, learn, and try to be better humans. I think we are all trending upwards as a society, and I think that’s great.”
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